Flash is pretty dangerous though, think about the action scripts and stuff, they can do nasty things...
And this should work with size and stuff:
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Set OPTION on.
Than you need a command like:
[flash=width=100 height=200]Your Flash URL[/flash]
This will show your flash in the size you put in, it's a start
If you leave the complete size tags from the code, like
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You will always get a default size, something like 200 / 300...
And If I'm right on this one, this should check for the plugin etc etc.
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Default size here is 300/300, you can change that like the example above, just replace
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with {option}, than put OPTION to ON and use a command like [flash=width="100" height="500"]URL[/flash]