Actual Writings From Hospital Charts:



1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. Patient hears ringing in ears. Nothing in head.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.


...and my all time favorite;
22. Note: Patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

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Some more ;

23. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

24. Both breasts are equal & reactive to light & accommodation.

25. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, & I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

30. The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

31. She slipped on the ice & her legs went in separate directions in early December.

32. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas & crashed.

33. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

34. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

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Note: Unless otherwise stated, any views posted here are my personal views as a member, not official vb.org policy.

LOL. I don't even want to know what that means, but I pray they meant circumcised :p

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Colonel Ingus - N.A.P.P Member   
Vbulletin Coding Guru / vBHackers.com
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